When they had sex for the first time, they were deep but careful. Would they be frightened at such an important moment? It's supposed to be like this, isn't it? This is a profound memory of life change.
But statistics tell us that young adults are procrastination for the first time in generations. They kept their virginity until later; for some, perhaps until the age of 25. Why?
Sex never makes people feel natural, happy or gentle, but computation and indifference.
Sex seems too easy, but is it too hard? At the same time, basic desires never change-secure comfort, intimacy, silence, dedication and comfort.
Therapists worry that our twentysomethings will stick to their virginity for a longer time because they suspect it is a sign of a lack of intimacy and that they are reluctant to fall into real-life spells and chaos.
Don't make love-, we're scared.
Fragility also requires courage, not only physically but also emotionally and psychologically, which is the meaning of sex.
The clumsy groping and experimental arena has changed; there are a lot of judgments-if you don't feel brave enough, why risk it? It may be easier now to look at the screen or sex toys to have fun, or nothing at all. Maybe this is too much trouble.
In a recent survey in the UK, 1/8 of 26-year-olds told researchers they had not yet begun, a significant increase from previous generations, when the figure was normal at 1/20.
Britain's Education Department's Next Steps Project surveyed 16000 young people born in 1989-90, starting at the age of 14, with instructive results.
London psychotherapist Susanna. In our lust culture, Abs (Susanna Abse) says, women are so flirtatious that men can always stand up: "the fear of young people is to be humiliated, they fear that doesn't work, and they're afraid to expose themselves in your Facebook group."
Sex psychotherapist Christo. "We have young people here," Woodbridge (Krystal Woodbridge) added. "they don't know how to connect with other people in terms of romance or love, and they're afraid of being rejected."
Ian Mack, a 69-year-old novelist. Today's teenagers know as little about sex as their grandparents, Ewan (Ian McEwan) said, because online "sports porn has distorted their expectations."
Porn and social media create unreal expectations, he says; there are not enough topics about "the joy of hugging" and the emotional aspects of sex. Moreover, I would like to add that I cannot enjoy the joy of making mistakes without being judged by others; the feeling of making things wrong, groping, discovering, and imperfect.
But there are also some lucky people. Those who lost their virginity experienced a transformation similar to that described by the French writer Colette: "the day after the wedding night, I found a radically different change, the abyss, the exploration, and the irreparable transformation. It's a far cry from the day before. "
We all hope so. For ourselves and for our children. And what did we do to make them so scared?