This article is hilarious. Please don't take it seriously. Original published on Daily Telegraph.
When you arrive at a busy city railway station for the first time in another country, you will:
A) look around for a butcher's shop, because you're starving.
B) look around for the nearest toilet, because you're suffocating
C) with thousands of men on New year's Eve, the more women you harass with your salty pig hands, the better, because they're all on their own.
When you go to a rock concert, you try to:
A) please your girlfriend who loves Chisel and get a ticket in the middle of the first row so that she can give Barnesy a kiss
B) please the guy you love shaking your head and shake it in the middle of the field
C) please your peace-loving Allah, rush into the middle of the crowd and blow them up
When you have to go shopping with your girlfriend to buy clothes, you will:
A) smile patiently, even if this is the 15th dress she tried on at Sportsgirl's, and ask you for the first time whether it makes her ass look bigge
B) secretly find a half-price dress and tell her to wear it like a supermodel
C) stoning her, if she dares to show any flesh to embarrass you
When you go to Centrelink for the first time, you think it's best to:
a) Ask for any job opportunities
b) Tell them you won't come back because you just found a jo
C) ask for more forms because you have four wives to fill in
When you meet a Jew, your instinct is:
a) Say hello to him
B) tell a joke about bacon
c) stab him
Stubbie is:
A) A small bottle of refreshing, brown iced bee
B) A ludicrous pair of tight shorts popular in the 1970s
C) when you cut off the pagan hand, the rest of the arm
Thongs is:
A) Summer shoes
B) woman's underwea
C) A piece of leather that can be used to beat sodomers, traitors, adulterers, girls who say they have been raped, young girls who refuse to marry a 90-year-old man who lives on a mountain driving goats, and so on.
You accidentally rear-ended a car, the driver is a young mother, there are two children in the back seat, you will:
A) ask her if she's okay, and then call the trailer.
B) ask if the child is safe and then call the police
C) the police arrested the woman who dared to drive and gave her fifteen lashes
Without a brain, (Lose your head) means that you might:
(a) to do something stupid
B) fall in love with a girl who shouldn't love
C) in Syria
Which word is most appropriate to use the word "buddy (mate)"?
A) you're awesome, man.
B) Don't lie to me, man.
C) put this black flag out of the window and hold it steady, man.
The "Barbeque stopper" means:
A) the subject of a conversation, usually about politics or culture, which can affect, or even end, a friendly social gathering
b) Rain, hail, or similar bad weather, which can affect and even end a friendly social gathering
C) A small improvised explosive device, usually hidden in loose clothes, which affects, and even ends, a friendly social gathering
Gay's meaning is
(a) pleasure
B) Comrade
C) dead
The roof of the city is the ideal place for any of the following
A) leave behind those fancy Christmas decorations
B) throwing off the Saturday afternoon barbecue
B) leave the sodomite behind
Fill in the blanks for this sentence. Except-except, no-
A) Yalla, yoghurt
B) Bodalla, cheese
C) fill in whatever you want
Which of the following words would you prefer to use the word redhead
A) that red-haired woman in a short skirt (redhead) is really hot
B) I lit a bonfire with a red head (redhead,: a match brand)
C) I threw (redhead), a single red-haired girl in a short skirt, on my hot campfire
Rudd is famous for his habits
(a) scolding the Chinese people's Congress
B) eat your ear shit
C) come up with some talented policies, such as opening up the Australian border, and 50,000 boat people can enter the country at will without having to check